We know all the classics. We've seen Aladdin. We know all the words to The Lion King. We can mouth along to Beauty and the Beast in several different languages. But it might surprise you to learn that, along with the known and the less well-known films, Walt Disney also made some movies that are virtually unknown - to your eyes, anyway.
Can you say you've heard of No Deposit, No Return or The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes? Exactly. Didn't think so. In that case you're going to enjoy this stroll through the Disney back catalogue - a strange place full of weird and wonderful films, some of which should arguably never have seen the light of day.
If you're brave enough, we'd recommend seeking out some of these films and giving them a watch. Because all of them are truly special.
Scandalous John
Who's John? Why's he so scandalous? Does he run into public spaces and whip his willy out? That would be pretty scandalous. Does he pick up children and throw them into rivers? Is that what he's been doing? Someone needs to stop this guy. Look at him. Look at his wrinkly, scandalous face.
Made in 1971, this film tells the story of John McCanless, an elderly rancher opposed to the plans to build a dam that would flood his land. See - pretty bloody scandalous.
The Biscuit Eater
I think it's unfair for this dog to be pigeonholed just because he likes chomping on a good biscuit. Don't all dogs like biscuits? Or does this dog like them so much it's got a bit weird? Is he getting obese? That's probably why he's being taken for a walk, isn't it. Maybe the man's carrying a gun because they're going to put him down on account of his biscuit bingeing being too expensive.
This was the last 'one boy and his animal' film made by Disney because the sub-genre was dwindling in popularity. The film seems, however, to be about two boys, not one. They overcome their racial differences and befriend and train a feral dog called Moreover, whom they enter into a state championship field trial. Great times.
One of Our Dinosaurs Is Missing
"OK, we've got the T-rex...the pterodactyl...the iguanodon...the - WAIT A MINUTE LADS KEITH IS MISSING."
Sounds like a good laugh, this one. Described as a 'funky fossil frolic', which doesn't date it at all, it's about spies stealing a dinosaur from the Natural History Museum because it contains the microfilm of a mysterious formula ('Lotus X').
Savage Sam
This guy might be related to Scandalous John? Either way, get these two on a night out and you'll regret it in the morning.
Look at him. That is one savage beast.
Made in 1963 as a sequel to Old Yeller, Savage Sam concerns Yeller's dog son, the aforementioned Sam (Savage Sam). This sounds like an odd film, if we're honest - it's largely about Apaches taking two people and a cat hostage - but it does contain a character called Wiley Crup, so that's fun. The search party to get the captives back is led by Savage Sam, meaning he can't be all that bad. Stop having a go at Savage Sam. Let's focus on that weirdo Scandalous John.
No Deposit, No Return
Calm down. This film isn't as exciting as it sounds.
A classic 'comedy caper', No Deposit, No Return is a convoluted film about two naughty kids who hold themselves for ransom because they do not want to stay with their billionaire grandfather.
The Wikipedia summary of the film includes the line 'As Tracy and Jay travel on the plane to Los Angeles, Jay realizes he has mislaid his pet skunk, Duster.' If that doesn't make you want to watch it, I don't know what will.
Monkeys, Go Home!
No, not the title of the UKIP manifesto. This was the first Disney film made after Walt's death in 1966 and the plot sounds like the frenzied dream of a mushroom fiend. It's about this guy Hank, who discovers he owns a French olive farm. "Right," says Hank, flying over there. "Let's fill it with monkeys."
Everyone's like "What? Hank, what are you thinking? They're monkeys, Hank. I mean, they're monkeys." But Hank tries to get these monkeys to work on the olive farm - with some success, all credit to him. Given that they're monkeys, this does deserve some recognition. Trouble with monkeys, however, and I've said it time and time again, is that they're not humans. These monkeys are former members of an Air Force space team and they wreak absolute havoc in the neighbourhood, causing everyone to tell them to sod off back where they came from because the olive farm was much better when it wasn't full of weird astronaut monkeys.
Is this film a not-so-subtle metaphor for the perils of immigration? We'll let you decide.
That Darn Cat
Based on the book Undercover Cat (a more accurate but comparatively drab title), That Darn Cat is about a Siamese feline who helps rescue an innocent woman taken hostage by bank robbers.
Given that the cat is the hero of the piece, and would have had no real incentive to help the stranger she found in distress, the title of this film must have been a cruel blow when the cat saw it in cinemas. Rather than being praised for her sterling work, she is criticised as being a nuisance. This is not how we should be treating our undercover officers of the law, who perform an invaluable service.
The Horse in the Gray Flannel Suit
Slightly odd poster. Who the hell feeds a massive horse while wearing a tuxedo? Has the man - who appears to be singing while staring the horse in the eye - brought the animal to some kind of award ceremony? What's he feeding it? It looks suspiciously like milk. He's bound to get some of that on his trousers, especially given the bizarre angle he's sitting at.
And why's that kid in the bottom-right holding some bacon and looking incredulously over at the milk-slurping horse? Actually, to be fair, he's probably just as confused by it as I am.
Another incredibly strange Disney film, this one isn't even about a horse who likes sharp tailoring. Apparently the 'gray flannel suit' is just a term for his natural colouring. Ridiculous.
Fluppy Dogs
This film didn't do particularly well - surely because no one knows what the word 'fluppy' means.
Fluppy Dogs, based on a TV series of the same name, follows "a band of adventurous, cuddly, dog-like creatures who utilized a fluppy crystal key to open inter-dimensional doorways". What the hell is a 'fluppy crystal key'? What is going on?
The dogs find themselves stranded on Earth, where they befriend a boy who has to deal with all their weird shit. They're constantly trying to find a portal so they can get back to their home planet, and the stupid mutts almost kill everyone in the process.
Even for Disney, this is an odd one, and it's no huge surprise it flopped.
Babes in Toyland
Nope, not a porn film. Although the poster doesn't help, does it?
Another that sounds like it was written on LSD, this one. Mary, Mary Quite Contrary wants to marry Tom the Piper but is constantly thwarted by a nasty crook called Barnaby, who learns that Mary has just received a staggering amount of inheritance money. This Barnaby is NOT a nice guy. He actually plans to drown Tom at one point. Absolutely unacceptable.
Babes in Toyland, as well as being the name of a punk rock band from Minnesota, sounds like a bizarre but very entertaining film. I urge you to track it down and watch it tonight with a few pancakes.
The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes
One of the worst and strangest posters you're ever likely to see. Look at that awful, awful mess. Has it ever been more clear that three people aren't inhabiting the same space?
The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes is an intriguing title, and I'd be tempted to watch it on the basis of this alone. It's about Dexter Reilly, the gormless goon in red, who becomes a human computer after being electrocuted while installing a replacement part. His new-found computer-like abilities mean that he has an enormous amount of power at his fingertips. Instead of using this power for world domination, Reilly is co-opted to enter a TV quiz on behalf of his school, hoping to win $100,000.
How does it end? YOU'LL HAVE TO WATCH THE BLOODY THING.
The Crimson Wing: Mystery of the Flamingos
If there's one animal that perpetually exudes an air of mystery, it's a flamingo. What are they up to? Why are their legs so thin? And why don't they have an alibi for their whereabouts between 6 and 8pm on the night of April the 28th?
Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year
A Very Merry Pooh Year. Bit weird, that. That's been crowbarred in, hasn't it. Obviously Winnie can't help the fact that he's a pooh bear, but do you really want to go around saying "happy pooh year" to everyone? Because you have to, if you commit to the wordplay here. I don't think anyone wants to. I think Winnie just having a very merry new year would have been fine.
Source: Hexjam
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